Un poco de poco

The final stretch is here of no work and yes, it's on my mind. Also, I'm feeling so much better but am terrified of these minor blips which can attack and creates doubts that I'm still not so good. I need to definitely get my sleeping pattern back to normal. I've noticed that I sleep late with my head filled with anxieties and as a result, wake up late and have some very lazy mornings. Then, I feel all guilty about being slovenly and not doing anything. I need another worry list but I've got no one to share it with. Thank god that the EAP counsellor phoned yesterday. This should help me deal with the psychological side of the operation. There's a lot to process and think about here. It might make me feel better to share some concerns here though.

1. Work anxiety. How to manage and how to cope. Can I work reduced hours? What happens if I can't renew my contract?

2. IMSS and the admin side of post op. Need to do it..but the office is really stressful.

3. Carer fatigue and have people got bored of me. How aware are they that this operation does have a long recovery time?

4. Are some being a bit distant right now? Or am I creating distance? Or is it both?

5. How long will it be before I'm 100% or near as damn it?

6. Have I missed any bureaucractic procedures?

7. Am I being lazy?

8. Could I do any more?

Despite the slight hangover, yesterday was a good day. I met with Andrew for a wander around. I still tire easily but it's much better than before and perhaps an all day Sunday session may have had a lot to do with it. I'm glad though that slowly, I'm getting there. Some things are not following the hysterectomy rule book but what was that anyway? I see posts all the time from the 'hyster sisters' like I did everything right and I still got in a mess.' Maybe there is a case that doing what I want now and again can and does help.

I'm now going to plough through my to do list. Again, I'm being the Queen of Procrastination right now and this is clearly work avoidance or fear. I've got a tendency to avoid things I find tough or I don't like doing and this may have contributed to my latest list of anxieties. OK...time to go and act. Sitting on my arse isn't helping anyone here.