I got myself ready for the reconnaisance trip to IMSS. Elsa and I needed to present a case at the Directors' board meeting at 2pm. They would determine whether I was pulling a fast one and trying to extortionate public money for me. I knew quite well I wasn't. The issue was to convince them that really last week I was unable to work and to go back to work would be irresponsible.
So, it was back to that office. Post blood tests, I tried to do things like organise BUPA paperwork where I can claim for quite a substantial amount and print off a new hairstyle. Both things potentially take time especially for someone who's had a major op; about to face another stressful experience; has been awake since the crack of dawn and can't sleep anyway. As of Monday, I can't make any of these excuses so I'm taking advantage of it now.
Naturally when we arrived, things started late and after a bit of wandering, we were outside the board meeting. Elsa was at her politest especially with the two PA's. They are the best people to get on your side. We waited and waited and waited. The reassuring thought was at the end of the month (it's payday) and a Friday afternoon, no one really wants to work. We were pretty sure that they were ploughing through the action points as swiftly as possible and not be one of those turgid and aimless meetings which go on forever. They trooped out and I saw the director. He took us to his office and I even joined them in the lift. I'm claustrophobic and will try and avoid lifts. This time, I didn't want to let that man out of sight.
Bad news. My claim had been turned down. The good news is that I'm not anaemic and certainly that's one argument for the vegan cause but it did mean that I lost my entitlement for 10 days. In monetary terms, that's a considerable chunk. I earn a pretty good salary here but that's my only source of income. I like to have some leftover money for treats, sundaries and emergencies.
I was furious and frustrated. Elsa encouraged me to calm down but I was beyond calm...not meltdown standard. I have way too much dignity to scream in a public office but of course it has been known and this operation has meant a lot of dignity has not been left intact. Off we went back to the other doctor who in a funny way, had become my ally. Elsa was convinced that he was actually supporting my case. In a weird sort of way, he was. He returned to the director with the decision that I was entitled to the extra 10 days off work. Great! Though after all that hassle, waiting, persuading etc..I really couldn't feel so elated. And we needed to wait again which was only fair. He had sick people to see who were going through the same as I was and no doubt had the same frustrations.
We got it! It was in my hands. Though there were a few things that irked me. He gave some pointless lecture about 'we doctors need to investigate...blah, blah, blah'. Who did he think he was? Doctor House? And I wanted to be spared the guilt trip. They were already driving me mad. Also, I always want the last word. I didn't get it. I came with my EZLN bag which was kind of cheeky in a government organisation. In all honesty, it matched my outfit and could carry my documents. I swear I wasn't being subversive...really. Elsa made me switch it though. It was for the best. The doctor was still obsessed with finding answers. Another blood pressure check and more comments on my weight but there were none. It was simply a slow recovery from major surgery where things won't happen overnight and it won't necessarily be proved by a quick blood test. Elsa did all the talking. I agree with this but as a control freak and someone who prides myself on being independent, I felt very uncomfortable giving up control. Again, another thing which was for the best. More to the point, the incapacidad was in my hands. Result and objective achieved. Not without a fight and not without long hours waiting and waiting. We both reckon that it was down to pure tenancity. Most people would've thought 'fuck it' and believe me, there were a lot of times I was going down that road. But without Elsa's support, I would've surrendered.
One way I can sum up my feelings for the past month is a cage and being trapped. This could be how I was trapped in institutions like hospitals and now the IMSS office. I can't stand being in a lift. So, you can all imagine how it felt to wait and be trapped in a hospital or an office against my will or for my own good. I was also trapped in my body and mind. No energy and no freedom to do what I wanted. This was a combination of both the mental and the physical. I knew that the nurses in my flat for week 2 were necessary but again, I couldn't breathe either. I was also encased with language and needing people to speak on my behalf. Maybe it would be different if I spoke better Spanish and tried harder to learn in the past. But, the things I was dealing with whether it be authorities, emotions, and physical things were all brand new and things that I am still trying to comprehend in my own English speaking brain.
I can see that the cage door is open. Slowly. I feel a lot more free but am still restrained. The harder part may start now when I want to begin rebuilding my life after almost 6 weeks of not doing an awful lot.
My new life or picking up my old life starts now as of today. I'm off to find a hairdressers for a new look. I get the fear (another control thing) about going to salons but I can't reintergrate back into society looking like this. I hope that goes well. Tonight, it's Eduardo's birthday and yes, I'm going. I'm nervous. I can drink but I've got used to my introverted post op bubble. It's become kind of comforting but it's time to relaunch myself back into a social scene so we'll see how it goes and whether indeed I can make it out tonight.
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