A small glimmer

It's the weekend and there were small glimmers that I was myself again. In a little way but nevertheless, I was coming back.

As always, I slowly emerged and in fact was beginning to dread the weekend. This is when I feel the emptiness the most and miss my former self. I stocked up on Doctor House season one and tried to think of things to do which would stop me feeling down and useless.

Now, one thing happened which put a smile back on my face. My really good friend from yesteryear and my first ever GBFF from when I was a student many years ago and by coincidence also just had an operation, caught me on Skype. What fun this was..we used the webcam so we could see each other and yes, I am still marvelled by modern technology. Now, Dean had a few drinks so was drunk but happy drunk. Obviously, he decided that sometimes defying medical advice can be positive and sometimes all this denial at the end of the day might not speed up a recovery. I like people who follow a 'little of what you fancy' line of thought. We had a really good giggle about lots of things and he began to play music and what a list of classics appeared. Such as Let's fly a kite and then Dean unearthed Mori Kanti - Yeke Yeke. Neither of us had heard this in years and we both recalled dancing on the stage on various substances while at university. And we were grooving away via Skype and on the webcam. Loved it.

Zoe and Eduardo phoned me at the same time. I was invited over to Eduardo's to eat, drink and chill out. Of course I went along and realised it was time to start a social life again. By coincidence, I had a read of the hyster sisters online support group. Sometimes, admist all the biblical nonsense, there's good advice and it's great to see that some of the things I'm going through are normal. One post caught my eye about drinking alcohol. My ears pricked up (metaphorically speaking) and saw a post by a woman who had the operation the same day as me. And yes, the uninformed medical opinion is that it's fine and once a person is off medication then they can. Yay!! Naturally, I purchased a bottle of wine on the way to Eduardo's to see what would happen. Worst case scenario..I'm with good friends and in a flat so there was some damage limitation there.

The evening was fun though I must admit the wine hit me very very quickly. Whether it was enjoyable..I have mixed feelings but it was a step and one which I hope will get better and better. We ate sushi, we talked and watched Black Swan (again). Eduardo and I reenacted the Swan Lake which is probably not how to behave when on sick leave but oh well...whatever takes your fancy.

Then a small disaster struck. I fell and not sure if this was down to drunkeness or simply Ed's wonky chair. Or was Ed saying that to make me feel better. Anyway, I got upset that I ruined my first night 'out' and to make it worse, I cut my finger. Ouch.

Zoe stayed round and I felt comforted by this. It sounds babyish and needy but I've began to realise that I can be at times. We hazarded another glass...naughty, naughty so all I can say is 'cheers' and lets face the consequences later..