After the meltdown, would things be better? Not necessarily more that I was left with a sense of emptiness which wouldn't go away with immediately and could be here for some time.
I settled into a routine of pirate films, writing, attempting to do a little more each day, feeling guilty for wasting time on facebook (like I had anything interesting to contribute) and sleeping. A lot. Though at night, I was finding it more difficult to settle and harder to wake during the day. The mornings passed quicker and I was disgusted at myself messing arund on facebook gone 11am with no intention of showering. Where was my motivation and also really was I being lazy or simply recovering from a major operation?
One more thing which could've been potentially tragic but wasn't..my laptop also required some surgery. It's been not working as well as it should've been. Some of my friends are Mac fans so obviously blamed it on being a PC. I don't know enough to care or really intelligently comment. So I don't and just smirk and comment 'boys and their toys'. Thankfully, there was a computer repair place next door, a friend with very good Spanish and perhaps the same level of computer knowledge but sometimes, it's best to leave it to the experts (like I will with my body and mind).
It would take some time. I tried the working from home arguement but I knew it would be ready in their time, not mine. Besides, it was about time I attemped to read more and had a mountain of books to get through and films to watch so things could be far far worse.
The annoying thing was (on top of the hysterectomy and feeling 'meh' all the time) was that I could do things but in a limited way. A short walk with friends and I'm on the couch for a while. This was disturbing and not my style at all.
On Thursday, Keri took me to the supermarket for a shop. I really appreciated this and another step and another test run. Well, at first Keri thought it would be a good idea to get one of those motorised carts. I had my doubts like it was public humiliation. I can't even ride a bicycle or drive a car. What the fuck was I doing driving round the supermarket looking a bit silly and heading for a disaster? Most doctors say that women shouldn't drive post op for a while so wondering if that included shopping carts. I panicked. I'm not used to steering anything so we gave up on that idea and took a trolley instead.
Things went well and we even had a Starbucks afterwards though I must add I am a little bit ashamed that it was my seond visit this week. Not all of my friends share the same ethics as I do..or maybe they are just a bit less uptight about these things.
I returned home and once more, the couch beckoned. More snoozing and this has seriously thrown into doubt about will I be ready to return to work in a week. A trip to the supermarket knocked me for six so what would a long day with all the trials and tribulations do to me. Unless there's some serious improvement and soon.
On a postive note, I planned a meal for Zoe later..pad thai and peanut sauce. I finished reading Persepolis which I loved and thankfully I could follow. Then I watched the film and like always, prefered the book more. Definitely, some improvements there and ones which I appreciated.
I got my computer back and almost fell asleep waiting for it. However, I was so happy to see that it worked quicker and more effectively than before. No long drawn out recovery period and minor surgery enhanced all functions. Lets see if the same happens here.
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