I really hope this blog hasn't transformed into a diatribe against IMSS. I totally understand why they are questioning my incapacidad. They need to be help accountable and they can't be handing out sick notes without evidence. Perhaps, it's a good sign that Mexico is subject to less corruption and more rigourous and transparent procedures but...I'm somewhat feeling pretty victimised by it all.
Shit...I said the 'v' word. I apologise.
Yesterday afternoon, I was there again with Elsa in tow. More profuse apologies about the long queue, the waiting time for around 3 and a half hours and my uselessness not to deal with this by myself. I was reckoning up that since my operation, I've spent a disproportionate amount of time hanging around IMSS though from what I see and understand, this is hardly unusual. In fact, quite typical so perhaps I need to quit complaining. I saw the doctor and yes it was that awful man again. The one who refused the incapacidad. Arsehole.
Eventually, we got to see him. It was the same old story. The scar is fine therefore I am fine. It would be helpful to see a psychologist to prove I'm down at the moment. Not an option for reasons throughout the blog. However and now I'm not sure if this was an excuse to refuse my incapacidad or at least make it difficult, apparently, Mexicans genetically have lower rates of haemoglobin so anaemia is generally not taken as an excuse for taking time off work. The fact that I don't have a drop of Mexican blood surpassed them, but anyway, I'm in the Mexican system so am treated accordingly. I'm now researching articles online to prove this point, but medical journals are not my speciality.
The doctors were willing to bring my case to the board. What I needed to do was take blood tests to prove that I am anaemic though my regular intake of iron tablets, folic acid and vegan yet iron rich food so the anaemia could be counteracted. I may and I am deeply ashamed of this, could play the vegan card. I really don't want to..but needs must.
Anyway, I had reached the end of my tether for all kind of reasons. I've had enough of tests, talking about the operation and people coming along to help. All I want to do is get on with my life. I cried in the surgery but somehow Elsa convinced me to go.
I braced myself for an early start. These anxious thoughts are keeping me awake so really to get to IMSS at 6:30am was the last thing I needed. More anxious thoughts but at least I woke up, bleary eyed and so tired that I forgot I had to bring along some pee. I managed to squeeze a bit out though.
I was there and saw a neverending queue. I got a wave of despair, started to cry again and was on the verge of texting Elsa and telling her 'No, it's not worth it'. In fact several times, I continually asked myself, 'Is it worth it?' After 3 months of continual checks, invasions, help and support, I felt violated, overwhelmed and exhausted. Could I deal with more stress? All I wanted was to enjoy my last day before going back to work and do something nice like get my hair done.
Luckily, a guy in the long queue spoke English and helped out a bit. Even better, the medical staff took the blood test quickly so I was home by 8am. Much better than I expected.
Now my thoughts now are about haircuts. I urgently need to get something done but time is against me. I'm thinking about a new colour but would my excuse of missing a board meeting because a cut and colour is far better for my mental state wash?
I just hope they make a decision quickly so I can get on with the more pleasant things in life and prepare for my integration into the real world.
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