Where's my uterus?!

After being wheeled into the theatre, it was all a blur...I don't recall seeing Doctor Quiroz y Ferreri (my surgeon) at any time though I think he was there. Or more to the point, obviously he was there. The anaesthetist talking about epidurals and making me sleep and someone being introduced as a my 'right hand man' and me being impressed by the use of English. Then nothing. At least the anaesthetist did his job.

Cloudily, I emerged from some deep deep sleep. All of my body felt weird. Well it would, wouldn't it? I went immediately for my abdomen and yes, one scar and swaddled in a huge bandage. One Total Abdominal Hysterectomy (TAH) done. My legs felt numb due to the epidural and also, I sensed I was wearing something heavy. It was impossible. I was wearing that arse revealing gown but somehow, some thick ugly white stockings had appeared while I was asleep. I would have challenged that for sure if I was conscious. As for my feelings, I couldn't stop smiling. Not sure was I high or the fact that the operation felt successful.

People kept on coming to inspect me. Somehow, I found the ability to mumble coherently in Spanish which is erratic at the best times. Or maybe 'tengo mucho dolor' is a high frequency phrase which is within my CEF A1 Spanish capabilities. They all seemed happy at least which was comforting. No shaking heads and lowered voices as seen on 'Doctor House ' and 'Grey's Anatomy' when there's been complications.

As always, I get bored quickly. I was over the recovery room and the sombreness  and feeling tetchy. I had a feeling that it was 5pm and Roberto might be on time. At that point, I might have said 'mi amigo estoy esperando'. A few minutes later, another porter came who looked a bit like my friend. Probably not. He had the same glasses and similar colouring. I wasn't wearing glasses and just had a major operation. I got all excited but logic took over at that point so at least he was spared a hug.

One of the bulkier guys hoisted me on another trolley. What a waste. They could've chosen a weedier one. Then the lift door open and I spied Roberto. I can't remember how we acknowledged each other but we did. He was waiting on floor four. Kissed my forehead and asked the porter if the operation went well (in Spanish). Once more, I was carried to my bed and left to have a post op conversation with a really good friend which was actually about the poor guy had fallen victim to a cloned card. This was followed by some exploration of my room and his for the night. The thing is with men is call it something with a tinge of adventure and they are up for it...camping, a mission, couchsurfing etc..and they get all excited. Neither of us are materialistic (him far less than me) but of course we were both impressed when the DVD rental lady came with her catalogue, wifi and a private bathroom.

Doctor Quiroz came to tell me the operation was a success in Spanglish and then I answered in Spanglish. Also, while he was removing the main culprit, he unearthed more little tumours. Ugh. I asked about weeing to which he explained the catheter..duh and how it will all be in a bag under my bed. Oh yes and the thick white hold up stockings are for circulatory reasons. And yes, like all hold ups they are none small enough to go round my thighs.

More friends arrived....Andrew, his BF and later Zoe. Andrew brought plastic flowers for me. How lovely and took away the business hotel feel to the room. Andrew discovered the white mop cap so naturally was forced to wear it for a photo session. And why not? Women have their photos taken immediately after the birth of a baby. Why not after a hysterectomy?

Later, this became my profile picture on facebook. Poor taste? Well, I did say that I never knew the hysterectomy protocol.

My visitors were flagging as I was though I cannot define exactly what I was feeling. I definitely was a little hyper as always and probably not a great idea for a post hysterectomy patient. It could be that in the morning, I'm battling against the morning commuters and then a few hours later, I'm in a hospital bed tubes out of my arm and my fanny and minus a uterus. Or they promised to give me sedatives after the operation which either they forgot or a case of 'the drugs don't work'.

And the thirst...it was getting painful. Nil by mouth for now 24 hours was really grating. They had to Florence Nightingale around dabbing my lips with wet tissues. I didn't dare mention at that point, my nicotine levels were getting dangerously low.

Roberto returned with the films. Thank god, he likes them intellectual and a bit dark too. We watched 'The Orchid Thief' while I flitted in and out of sleep. Then it was time for both of us to turn in. It had been (to put it mildly) a heavy day.

One friend phoned at 11:15pm. She either forgot or didn't have time to call earlier. All I remember saying to her, 'I'm bleeding heavily and I've got intense pains. There's something wrong'