Some of the cool things about living in Mexico City is a fabulous climate when Europe is cold and rainy; flats with roofs (though mine lacks one) and regular barbeques. The last one sounds odd due to my dietary choices but all is possible with tofu, some tasty marinade and to make sure that the designated cook does not put my lovely animal free food next to burgers and ribs. Cross contamination and all that. And, also make sure that I at least get something. These bloody omnivores has some curiosity to see what some weirdy vegan eats and more to the point, they love it.
It was a barbeque marathon weekend. Three in the space of two days and a danger of barbeque overdose. Or at least, death by marinaded tofu kebab. Each one was different. One was at a guy from Couchsurfing and no, I'm not turning into a CS addict but it was good to get back into talking to new people. The one on Sunday afternoon was organisd by the other Senior Teacher for the ex Teaching Centre Manager who had since moved to China. I actually met him at a conference and my feeling was 'good networking' which could be important. Then, a friend from work who I manage too, birthday barbeque so it could be all out carnage.
Now, I'll probably get shot by other post hysterectomy patients but really who else can do it? The whole weekend involved lifting bags and perhaps more than I can carry. I'm not a fan of taxis as my Spanish is limited (unprofessionally speaking, it sucks) and also why be part of the problem this city has with the worship of the car. I'm against it. Also, walking is the only exercise I ever do..so it's a case of 'kill or cure'. Not the most responsible post major surgery attitude, I agree.
The barbeque at Carlos's place was actually enjoyable. I got talking to other people and it wasn't too painful. I happily shared my tofu. Then, my assumption of good weather and barbeque season was shattered. It began to piss it down and thankfully Roberto called who was lurking by my flat and wanted to drink beer with me followed by Andrew who also wanted to go out for a queer beer. Yes, my friends are clearly supporting me getting back to my old life. The rest of the evening was lovely. I like unplanned visits and I like queer beers and being educated on the differences between Shakira and Lady Gaga. I did decline Andrew's suggestion to go to Living. A night of dancing and possibly something illegal with beautiful people..well I know my parameters and limits.
I needed to be ready for a semi respectable barbeque and kind of prepare myself for perhaps something a bit more rock n'roll later. Again, I enjoyed myself though drank far too much and perhaps have ruined all networking opportunities. At least, the guests of honour were both pissed too so one has to be grateful for small mercies and anyone in ELT for the long term is bound to be a functional alcoholic. Now, I was way too hammered to make it to the birthday barbeque and realised that it was for the best. A weird thing is that with my drinking, I always know when it will be socially embarassing to be in a public place.
I got alcoholic neurosis mainly caused by guilt and anxiety by drinking too much on a Sunday. I am thinking was it the operation or just me being neurotic. Possibly the latter.
Here are my post hysterectomy boozing and partying tips...in case you like that sort of thing
1. Keep it close to home in case you get a bit wobbly
2. Make sure there's at least one person who you can trust
3. Talking about the operation in graphic detail is a great way to get rid of party bores quickly
4. Avoid clubbing
5. Concerts are probably not the best option right now
6. Try and make the baggy trousers look stylish with a funky top and shoes. Jeans are not an option
7. Don't be afraid to say no
8. Say yes if you're up for it...it's really good to get out and about
9. Maybe don't hook up with a stranger..scars internally and externally are not attractive
10. A few drinks does not do you any harm
Thursday, 10 March 2011
More steps to being the Fishwick
Yes, it's been a while since I wrote but there's been a lot going on. More so with work and also back to having fun and getting up to no good. In a slightly restrained way but we're getting there.
Things that I've been doing are going to the weekly Couchsurfing meet up. Now, usually I avoid. The same people and the same questions. I'm a slight square peg in a round hole in many ways and have a strong aversion to small talk so not my usual way to spend an evening. Anyway, a girl from the USA messaged me and she sounded cool. Also, there's been some ruptures on Couchsurfing that the group is exclusive, all about meeting girls and they do the same things. I agree. A night at Lucha Libre doesn't inspire neither does a wander around Zocolo. A few of us were quite vocal including this young guy called Miguel so I wanted to meet him.
Once I got past the boring niceties, I engaged in conversation with Miguel or Hassam and it was enjoyable. Young and gay and some interesting ideas. Definite potential handbag here. Marie was fun too and also saw Roberto and Pedro who knew the full story and were happy to see me out. Naturally, it didn't take me long to flake out but at least it was all about getting out and meeting people.
Of course, this does have some consequences. Marie asked me to come out on Friday for drinks around Condessa. Usually, I'd be in like a shot (literally) but no..it was a struggle to get off the couch.
So that's how it is...I'm getting back to work and also back to having a life. Making belligerant comments, striving and thinking of how to improve an online community and talking to new people. Slowly and in a restrained manner...but nonetheless, getting there.
Things that I've been doing are going to the weekly Couchsurfing meet up. Now, usually I avoid. The same people and the same questions. I'm a slight square peg in a round hole in many ways and have a strong aversion to small talk so not my usual way to spend an evening. Anyway, a girl from the USA messaged me and she sounded cool. Also, there's been some ruptures on Couchsurfing that the group is exclusive, all about meeting girls and they do the same things. I agree. A night at Lucha Libre doesn't inspire neither does a wander around Zocolo. A few of us were quite vocal including this young guy called Miguel so I wanted to meet him.
Once I got past the boring niceties, I engaged in conversation with Miguel or Hassam and it was enjoyable. Young and gay and some interesting ideas. Definite potential handbag here. Marie was fun too and also saw Roberto and Pedro who knew the full story and were happy to see me out. Naturally, it didn't take me long to flake out but at least it was all about getting out and meeting people.
Of course, this does have some consequences. Marie asked me to come out on Friday for drinks around Condessa. Usually, I'd be in like a shot (literally) but no..it was a struggle to get off the couch.
So that's how it is...I'm getting back to work and also back to having a life. Making belligerant comments, striving and thinking of how to improve an online community and talking to new people. Slowly and in a restrained manner...but nonetheless, getting there.
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
Nose to the grindstone
Or would it be more apt to say, nose to the desk when I keep on having a sneaky bit of shut eye at work. I was warned but going back to work is really quite tough. The first thing is work clothes. I'm not Ms Corporate Dresser but I am expected to wear something smarter than my uniform of leggings and the dreaded drawstrong trousers. I ended up graduating to tighter t-shirts but nothing could prepare me for the discomfort of work trousers and shirts. Then, I made the mistake of wearing jeans last night. I am still suffering now. Back to the drawstring trousers for a while then. At least outside office hours.
I am making merticulous to do lists and stare at them for a while but am trying to keep them short and with a product in sight at the end. Need to keep my motivation high or at least not wane. That would be a disaster. And trying to limit myself to 7 hours max at work. Not very well but the effort is there. My head is a complete fuzz and full of cotton wool but I'm doing surprisingly well as masquerading as an efficient middle manager. Everyone has commented on how well I look and how chirpy I seem...but I need to give gentle reminders that I'm still a way off. The new hairstyle is working wonders mind you..
Actually, I'm doing quite well at managing workloads but it still comes in. Things need to be done like a tender which has a one day deadline. Shite. But, I'm handling it..slowly but surely and hopefully all will be fine. I've got the perfect excuse if it isn't and I hope it works.
The thing that gets me is that I'm shattered yet can't settle at night. And I wake up early. Then am half asleep at work. Not the best combination but slow steps and some large tasks. Maybe I am getting there afterall.
I am making merticulous to do lists and stare at them for a while but am trying to keep them short and with a product in sight at the end. Need to keep my motivation high or at least not wane. That would be a disaster. And trying to limit myself to 7 hours max at work. Not very well but the effort is there. My head is a complete fuzz and full of cotton wool but I'm doing surprisingly well as masquerading as an efficient middle manager. Everyone has commented on how well I look and how chirpy I seem...but I need to give gentle reminders that I'm still a way off. The new hairstyle is working wonders mind you..
Actually, I'm doing quite well at managing workloads but it still comes in. Things need to be done like a tender which has a one day deadline. Shite. But, I'm handling it..slowly but surely and hopefully all will be fine. I've got the perfect excuse if it isn't and I hope it works.
The thing that gets me is that I'm shattered yet can't settle at night. And I wake up early. Then am half asleep at work. Not the best combination but slow steps and some large tasks. Maybe I am getting there afterall.
Monday, 28 February 2011
Out of the frying pan and into...
So, this was it. Almost 6 weeks of being too ill to work and now here was my re-entry into the very real world. It might have been drinking wine yesterday and remaining to my incapacidad schedule but had little sleep. Though, for a Monday, that's usual. Too much partying over the weekend. Going to bed late followed by a lie in and a few cheeky ones on Sunday. Topped off with having Sunday night nagging insomnia over my Monday to do list.
I heard my alarm and knew that snooze wasn't an option. It was a command. I threw myself into my morning routine with minimal fannying around. Besides, I had an appointment for counselling at 9am. I needed coffee so that I could express thoughts and fears at least coherently so that my counsellor could be supportive. Actually, it was a good session and yes, I'm getting a lot better at expressing how I feel and it's helping even if it is just having another person who won't get bored and fed up and will leave their issues out of it. And I don't get the guilt about blathering on about myself for an hour. Surely, that's the point?
It was really like I'd never been away from the overcrowded bus, my ability to find a seat and the fear that the drover wouldn't stop at the Anthropology Museum. Same old, same old but refreshingly the same. Well, I'd only been out of action for nearly 6 weeks.
I sneaked into work..no grand entrance for me. Secretly, I'm quite a shy and modest person who hates all the attention and then broached the task I was dreading all along...work emails. All 444 of them. Thankfully, I had my ruthless head on that probably 75% were irrelevant and enjoyed some over zelaous deleting. What fun. I discovered that there were some priorities and action points and not hundreds. Great.
Colleagues kept on dropping by to say 'hello and welcome back'. I'm not sure how many really knew why I disappeared for 6 weeks. I suspect all knew but most were happy to see me back. I was also pretty open that I was exhausted at erm...12 noon.
The day passed and I think I achieved a lot. I hope. I managed 7 hours work though now I'm shattered. I just hope that this good day hasn't set a precedence that I'm ready for a full on workload or I'm going to suffer tomorrow. No setbacks as yet mind you.
As I suspected, my comeback after a 5 and half week hiatus was far more stressful than I speculated. But that's my character. I am the sort of person who stares at the phone for hours before making a call in case the reciever hangs up especially with men. How unfeminist of me.
All I can say is that I'm totally knackered. I hope there will be no insomnia tonight but a good long sleep for a focus group tomorrow. Yes, I'm really (kind of) back at work.
I heard my alarm and knew that snooze wasn't an option. It was a command. I threw myself into my morning routine with minimal fannying around. Besides, I had an appointment for counselling at 9am. I needed coffee so that I could express thoughts and fears at least coherently so that my counsellor could be supportive. Actually, it was a good session and yes, I'm getting a lot better at expressing how I feel and it's helping even if it is just having another person who won't get bored and fed up and will leave their issues out of it. And I don't get the guilt about blathering on about myself for an hour. Surely, that's the point?
It was really like I'd never been away from the overcrowded bus, my ability to find a seat and the fear that the drover wouldn't stop at the Anthropology Museum. Same old, same old but refreshingly the same. Well, I'd only been out of action for nearly 6 weeks.
I sneaked into work..no grand entrance for me. Secretly, I'm quite a shy and modest person who hates all the attention and then broached the task I was dreading all along...work emails. All 444 of them. Thankfully, I had my ruthless head on that probably 75% were irrelevant and enjoyed some over zelaous deleting. What fun. I discovered that there were some priorities and action points and not hundreds. Great.
Colleagues kept on dropping by to say 'hello and welcome back'. I'm not sure how many really knew why I disappeared for 6 weeks. I suspect all knew but most were happy to see me back. I was also pretty open that I was exhausted at erm...12 noon.
The day passed and I think I achieved a lot. I hope. I managed 7 hours work though now I'm shattered. I just hope that this good day hasn't set a precedence that I'm ready for a full on workload or I'm going to suffer tomorrow. No setbacks as yet mind you.
As I suspected, my comeback after a 5 and half week hiatus was far more stressful than I speculated. But that's my character. I am the sort of person who stares at the phone for hours before making a call in case the reciever hangs up especially with men. How unfeminist of me.
All I can say is that I'm totally knackered. I hope there will be no insomnia tonight but a good long sleep for a focus group tomorrow. Yes, I'm really (kind of) back at work.
Sunday, 27 February 2011
Back to life, back to reality
If someone made a wurdle of this blog, apart from 'I' (may I apoloise now for my narcissm), the most commonly used word could be 'back'. The analogy or metaphor could be going back to somewhere where I was before. Right now, my feelings are that I'm returning from a long and pretty arduous journey which is pretty disimiliar from most of my backpacking adventures. This one has been a whole new and different experience and one probably not to be repeated. Well, you only have a hysterectomy once and for a good reason. The least of which that it's medically impossible.
My next huge step was returning to work. And yes, this was relatively speaking a massive step. I found my previous leaps were going to the park; washing up; cooking dinner and getting drunk. Oh yes, and one more today was going to the market unaccompanied. My main fear is carer's fatigue. My counsellor thinks that this is in my head. It might very well be. I certainly had a case of 'asking for care fatigue' so did it on my own. Sod the consequences. Actually, it wasn't too bad but a slight pulling on my scar and feeling irritable at those trying to sell their wares. No more than my usual Sunday hangover though.
The afternoon was lovely despite feeling emotionally fragile over a few things...well one thing but that's for me to sort out and not something for a public blog. You'd only think I was being neurotic. Anna invited me round for drinks on the roof and with the booze I'm making up for lost time. Probably too much but there was a lot on my mind which needs a little bit of numbing right now. Sometimes, I wish they put a bit too much anaesthetic in my brain and not in my left thigh (which still has a weird post dentist feeling).
Before I sleep, I'll write a list of:
My post op recovery period achievements
1. Wrote this blog...and am pretty overwhelmed by the supportive comments I've recieved. I am so happy that people have actually read it and as long as it supports someone somewhere, then objective achieved.
2. Watched some films including Oscar winning 'The King's Speech' and 'Black Swan'. Courtesy of private viewings from the private collection.
3. Reconnected with good friends from the past
4. Vegan cooking experiments galore...new life plan?
5. Lost 4 kgs though that sounds very pro ana
Post recovery things I should've done but didn't
1. More reading....oops! Well, my brain was scrambled for a while
2. Learn more Spanish...had problems thinking in English most of the time. Failed to read 'The Little Prince' in Spanish.
3. Devise a revolution or at least support a friend with this aim
4. Sleep a lot...it was great at the start but anxiety got in the way of that one
5. Find out my life purpose and goals.
6. Help a friend with IELTS...he's busy, mind you so no point beating myself up over that one
7. Sorting out my CD collection...yes, just realised my collection is a total mess and it was on the 'to do list'
8. Organise my book collection (see above)
And in true Fishwick style..and to prevent a nasty and badly timed bout of insomnia, here's my back to work worry list.
1. The emails!!! There will be 100's of them...crap
2. Will I cry at an inappropriate time?
3. How will I cope with work clothes? I'm not comfortable with them at the best of times and now I've got a delightful slash on my stomach and I've dropped a clothes size. Forgot to buy safety pins to hold my trousers together. Bugger.
4. Have I been rendered useless?
5. What's my bloody password?
6. Financial year...no, I didn't put in some claims. Shit
7. My performance plan...none of it done. Oops
8. Am I going to keep my job for another year?
9. Do I indeed like my job?
10. What are my priorities anyway?
My god...there are many, many more. I don't wish to bore anyone with more of my concerns and worries. It could be be like facing a cold pool for a swim. It always seems far worse than it actually is..though that's a poor comparison. I have an aversion to cold water but you get my drift.
Time to sleep and I really hope I do sleep too.
My next huge step was returning to work. And yes, this was relatively speaking a massive step. I found my previous leaps were going to the park; washing up; cooking dinner and getting drunk. Oh yes, and one more today was going to the market unaccompanied. My main fear is carer's fatigue. My counsellor thinks that this is in my head. It might very well be. I certainly had a case of 'asking for care fatigue' so did it on my own. Sod the consequences. Actually, it wasn't too bad but a slight pulling on my scar and feeling irritable at those trying to sell their wares. No more than my usual Sunday hangover though.
The afternoon was lovely despite feeling emotionally fragile over a few things...well one thing but that's for me to sort out and not something for a public blog. You'd only think I was being neurotic. Anna invited me round for drinks on the roof and with the booze I'm making up for lost time. Probably too much but there was a lot on my mind which needs a little bit of numbing right now. Sometimes, I wish they put a bit too much anaesthetic in my brain and not in my left thigh (which still has a weird post dentist feeling).
Before I sleep, I'll write a list of:
My post op recovery period achievements
1. Wrote this blog...and am pretty overwhelmed by the supportive comments I've recieved. I am so happy that people have actually read it and as long as it supports someone somewhere, then objective achieved.
2. Watched some films including Oscar winning 'The King's Speech' and 'Black Swan'. Courtesy of private viewings from the private collection.
3. Reconnected with good friends from the past
4. Vegan cooking experiments galore...new life plan?
5. Lost 4 kgs though that sounds very pro ana
Post recovery things I should've done but didn't
1. More reading....oops! Well, my brain was scrambled for a while
2. Learn more Spanish...had problems thinking in English most of the time. Failed to read 'The Little Prince' in Spanish.
3. Devise a revolution or at least support a friend with this aim
4. Sleep a lot...it was great at the start but anxiety got in the way of that one
5. Find out my life purpose and goals.
6. Help a friend with IELTS...he's busy, mind you so no point beating myself up over that one
7. Sorting out my CD collection...yes, just realised my collection is a total mess and it was on the 'to do list'
8. Organise my book collection (see above)
And in true Fishwick style..and to prevent a nasty and badly timed bout of insomnia, here's my back to work worry list.
1. The emails!!! There will be 100's of them...crap
2. Will I cry at an inappropriate time?
3. How will I cope with work clothes? I'm not comfortable with them at the best of times and now I've got a delightful slash on my stomach and I've dropped a clothes size. Forgot to buy safety pins to hold my trousers together. Bugger.
4. Have I been rendered useless?
5. What's my bloody password?
6. Financial year...no, I didn't put in some claims. Shit
7. My performance plan...none of it done. Oops
8. Am I going to keep my job for another year?
9. Do I indeed like my job?
10. What are my priorities anyway?
My god...there are many, many more. I don't wish to bore anyone with more of my concerns and worries. It could be be like facing a cold pool for a swim. It always seems far worse than it actually is..though that's a poor comparison. I have an aversion to cold water but you get my drift.
Time to sleep and I really hope I do sleep too.
Lets get ready to rumble
Missions of the day included
1. New haircut
2. Buy Eduardo's present
3. Get drunk at Eduardo's party
Not bad in all and really, this was beginning to sound like a typical Saturday for Liz Fishwick.
The hairdressing experience was really quite positive. The salon was four doors away from my flat and run by a gay couple with cool hair so all looked quite rosy. I loved the salon. The two guys were lovely and gave me what I wanted and the atmosphere in the place reminded me of all the the reasons why I love Mexico. It was almost someone's front room with people coming in and out for chats. The multitasking here can be rather irritating like they are not focussing but things somehow always get done in a way that I don't understand or at least I can't do. So, I'm learning to accept it. For the record, my haircut was fabulous. I loved it and gave them a good tip. Nothing like neighbourhood relationship building here.
The day began to go swimmingly. I got home and quickly went on chat. I saw that a friend who I've met a coupple of times in DF also had IMSS issues and a short conversation resulted in a decision to go for beers in the sun. Wow, I needed to air my new look and also sun and beers...what a great combination! And, I found Ed's birthday present...without hassle. Yes, things were definitely getting better. The catch over beers was lovely too. It was really nice to see this friend again and a boost for me. I was back doing my favourite things.
I returned and got myself ready for Ed's party like a regular Saturday night. A few nerves and all about whether I could still socially interact with people and how could I cope moving outside the inner circle of friends. A few drinks and some good chats where I tried not to talk too much about the operation. I didn't want to depress people. But, I managed..and yes another step.
I woke up slightly hungover and had a feeling that I didn't make a fool of myself. I maybe beared my soul but that's the new me. More honesty in communication with those around me. Whether I'll apply it in all areas and at all times, remains to be seen. I need to be brave and strong and it may mean losing friends in the process or finding new respect.
1. New haircut
2. Buy Eduardo's present
3. Get drunk at Eduardo's party
Not bad in all and really, this was beginning to sound like a typical Saturday for Liz Fishwick.
The hairdressing experience was really quite positive. The salon was four doors away from my flat and run by a gay couple with cool hair so all looked quite rosy. I loved the salon. The two guys were lovely and gave me what I wanted and the atmosphere in the place reminded me of all the the reasons why I love Mexico. It was almost someone's front room with people coming in and out for chats. The multitasking here can be rather irritating like they are not focussing but things somehow always get done in a way that I don't understand or at least I can't do. So, I'm learning to accept it. For the record, my haircut was fabulous. I loved it and gave them a good tip. Nothing like neighbourhood relationship building here.
The day began to go swimmingly. I got home and quickly went on chat. I saw that a friend who I've met a coupple of times in DF also had IMSS issues and a short conversation resulted in a decision to go for beers in the sun. Wow, I needed to air my new look and also sun and beers...what a great combination! And, I found Ed's birthday present...without hassle. Yes, things were definitely getting better. The catch over beers was lovely too. It was really nice to see this friend again and a boost for me. I was back doing my favourite things.
I returned and got myself ready for Ed's party like a regular Saturday night. A few nerves and all about whether I could still socially interact with people and how could I cope moving outside the inner circle of friends. A few drinks and some good chats where I tried not to talk too much about the operation. I didn't want to depress people. But, I managed..and yes another step.
I woke up slightly hungover and had a feeling that I didn't make a fool of myself. I maybe beared my soul but that's the new me. More honesty in communication with those around me. Whether I'll apply it in all areas and at all times, remains to be seen. I need to be brave and strong and it may mean losing friends in the process or finding new respect.
Saturday, 26 February 2011
Fishwick vs IMSS part two
I got myself ready for the reconnaisance trip to IMSS. Elsa and I needed to present a case at the Directors' board meeting at 2pm. They would determine whether I was pulling a fast one and trying to extortionate public money for me. I knew quite well I wasn't. The issue was to convince them that really last week I was unable to work and to go back to work would be irresponsible.
So, it was back to that office. Post blood tests, I tried to do things like organise BUPA paperwork where I can claim for quite a substantial amount and print off a new hairstyle. Both things potentially take time especially for someone who's had a major op; about to face another stressful experience; has been awake since the crack of dawn and can't sleep anyway. As of Monday, I can't make any of these excuses so I'm taking advantage of it now.
Naturally when we arrived, things started late and after a bit of wandering, we were outside the board meeting. Elsa was at her politest especially with the two PA's. They are the best people to get on your side. We waited and waited and waited. The reassuring thought was at the end of the month (it's payday) and a Friday afternoon, no one really wants to work. We were pretty sure that they were ploughing through the action points as swiftly as possible and not be one of those turgid and aimless meetings which go on forever. They trooped out and I saw the director. He took us to his office and I even joined them in the lift. I'm claustrophobic and will try and avoid lifts. This time, I didn't want to let that man out of sight.
Bad news. My claim had been turned down. The good news is that I'm not anaemic and certainly that's one argument for the vegan cause but it did mean that I lost my entitlement for 10 days. In monetary terms, that's a considerable chunk. I earn a pretty good salary here but that's my only source of income. I like to have some leftover money for treats, sundaries and emergencies.
I was furious and frustrated. Elsa encouraged me to calm down but I was beyond calm...not meltdown standard. I have way too much dignity to scream in a public office but of course it has been known and this operation has meant a lot of dignity has not been left intact. Off we went back to the other doctor who in a funny way, had become my ally. Elsa was convinced that he was actually supporting my case. In a weird sort of way, he was. He returned to the director with the decision that I was entitled to the extra 10 days off work. Great! Though after all that hassle, waiting, persuading etc..I really couldn't feel so elated. And we needed to wait again which was only fair. He had sick people to see who were going through the same as I was and no doubt had the same frustrations.
We got it! It was in my hands. Though there were a few things that irked me. He gave some pointless lecture about 'we doctors need to investigate...blah, blah, blah'. Who did he think he was? Doctor House? And I wanted to be spared the guilt trip. They were already driving me mad. Also, I always want the last word. I didn't get it. I came with my EZLN bag which was kind of cheeky in a government organisation. In all honesty, it matched my outfit and could carry my documents. I swear I wasn't being subversive...really. Elsa made me switch it though. It was for the best. The doctor was still obsessed with finding answers. Another blood pressure check and more comments on my weight but there were none. It was simply a slow recovery from major surgery where things won't happen overnight and it won't necessarily be proved by a quick blood test. Elsa did all the talking. I agree with this but as a control freak and someone who prides myself on being independent, I felt very uncomfortable giving up control. Again, another thing which was for the best. More to the point, the incapacidad was in my hands. Result and objective achieved. Not without a fight and not without long hours waiting and waiting. We both reckon that it was down to pure tenancity. Most people would've thought 'fuck it' and believe me, there were a lot of times I was going down that road. But without Elsa's support, I would've surrendered.
One way I can sum up my feelings for the past month is a cage and being trapped. This could be how I was trapped in institutions like hospitals and now the IMSS office. I can't stand being in a lift. So, you can all imagine how it felt to wait and be trapped in a hospital or an office against my will or for my own good. I was also trapped in my body and mind. No energy and no freedom to do what I wanted. This was a combination of both the mental and the physical. I knew that the nurses in my flat for week 2 were necessary but again, I couldn't breathe either. I was also encased with language and needing people to speak on my behalf. Maybe it would be different if I spoke better Spanish and tried harder to learn in the past. But, the things I was dealing with whether it be authorities, emotions, and physical things were all brand new and things that I am still trying to comprehend in my own English speaking brain.
I can see that the cage door is open. Slowly. I feel a lot more free but am still restrained. The harder part may start now when I want to begin rebuilding my life after almost 6 weeks of not doing an awful lot.
My new life or picking up my old life starts now as of today. I'm off to find a hairdressers for a new look. I get the fear (another control thing) about going to salons but I can't reintergrate back into society looking like this. I hope that goes well. Tonight, it's Eduardo's birthday and yes, I'm going. I'm nervous. I can drink but I've got used to my introverted post op bubble. It's become kind of comforting but it's time to relaunch myself back into a social scene so we'll see how it goes and whether indeed I can make it out tonight.
So, it was back to that office. Post blood tests, I tried to do things like organise BUPA paperwork where I can claim for quite a substantial amount and print off a new hairstyle. Both things potentially take time especially for someone who's had a major op; about to face another stressful experience; has been awake since the crack of dawn and can't sleep anyway. As of Monday, I can't make any of these excuses so I'm taking advantage of it now.
Naturally when we arrived, things started late and after a bit of wandering, we were outside the board meeting. Elsa was at her politest especially with the two PA's. They are the best people to get on your side. We waited and waited and waited. The reassuring thought was at the end of the month (it's payday) and a Friday afternoon, no one really wants to work. We were pretty sure that they were ploughing through the action points as swiftly as possible and not be one of those turgid and aimless meetings which go on forever. They trooped out and I saw the director. He took us to his office and I even joined them in the lift. I'm claustrophobic and will try and avoid lifts. This time, I didn't want to let that man out of sight.
Bad news. My claim had been turned down. The good news is that I'm not anaemic and certainly that's one argument for the vegan cause but it did mean that I lost my entitlement for 10 days. In monetary terms, that's a considerable chunk. I earn a pretty good salary here but that's my only source of income. I like to have some leftover money for treats, sundaries and emergencies.
I was furious and frustrated. Elsa encouraged me to calm down but I was beyond calm...not meltdown standard. I have way too much dignity to scream in a public office but of course it has been known and this operation has meant a lot of dignity has not been left intact. Off we went back to the other doctor who in a funny way, had become my ally. Elsa was convinced that he was actually supporting my case. In a weird sort of way, he was. He returned to the director with the decision that I was entitled to the extra 10 days off work. Great! Though after all that hassle, waiting, persuading etc..I really couldn't feel so elated. And we needed to wait again which was only fair. He had sick people to see who were going through the same as I was and no doubt had the same frustrations.
We got it! It was in my hands. Though there were a few things that irked me. He gave some pointless lecture about 'we doctors need to investigate...blah, blah, blah'. Who did he think he was? Doctor House? And I wanted to be spared the guilt trip. They were already driving me mad. Also, I always want the last word. I didn't get it. I came with my EZLN bag which was kind of cheeky in a government organisation. In all honesty, it matched my outfit and could carry my documents. I swear I wasn't being subversive...really. Elsa made me switch it though. It was for the best. The doctor was still obsessed with finding answers. Another blood pressure check and more comments on my weight but there were none. It was simply a slow recovery from major surgery where things won't happen overnight and it won't necessarily be proved by a quick blood test. Elsa did all the talking. I agree with this but as a control freak and someone who prides myself on being independent, I felt very uncomfortable giving up control. Again, another thing which was for the best. More to the point, the incapacidad was in my hands. Result and objective achieved. Not without a fight and not without long hours waiting and waiting. We both reckon that it was down to pure tenancity. Most people would've thought 'fuck it' and believe me, there were a lot of times I was going down that road. But without Elsa's support, I would've surrendered.
One way I can sum up my feelings for the past month is a cage and being trapped. This could be how I was trapped in institutions like hospitals and now the IMSS office. I can't stand being in a lift. So, you can all imagine how it felt to wait and be trapped in a hospital or an office against my will or for my own good. I was also trapped in my body and mind. No energy and no freedom to do what I wanted. This was a combination of both the mental and the physical. I knew that the nurses in my flat for week 2 were necessary but again, I couldn't breathe either. I was also encased with language and needing people to speak on my behalf. Maybe it would be different if I spoke better Spanish and tried harder to learn in the past. But, the things I was dealing with whether it be authorities, emotions, and physical things were all brand new and things that I am still trying to comprehend in my own English speaking brain.
I can see that the cage door is open. Slowly. I feel a lot more free but am still restrained. The harder part may start now when I want to begin rebuilding my life after almost 6 weeks of not doing an awful lot.
My new life or picking up my old life starts now as of today. I'm off to find a hairdressers for a new look. I get the fear (another control thing) about going to salons but I can't reintergrate back into society looking like this. I hope that goes well. Tonight, it's Eduardo's birthday and yes, I'm going. I'm nervous. I can drink but I've got used to my introverted post op bubble. It's become kind of comforting but it's time to relaunch myself back into a social scene so we'll see how it goes and whether indeed I can make it out tonight.
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